Monday, April 18, 2011
Where's my happily ever after?
Why do I feel like I'm alone? I have people around me most of the time but I feel like they are there because they have to be and not because they want to be. Am I really that bad of a person? Am I that horrible to be around. I wonder if I will ever have a relationship, ANY relationship where the person puts as much effort as I do or cares like I do. I poured my heart out yesterday and got silence. I walked around smiling saying I have lost 11.4 pounds and the most I got is, "that's good." No one cares what I think or feel. No one lives their lives to make me happy. Why do I? I need to find a hobby (which I am almost positive is working out and blogging), When am I going to make a true friend? I am 36 years old. I should have a friend. Have I alienated myself that much? I guess so. When am I going to find myself? Is there a me outside of being a mother? Can I be honest for a minute? I do not EVER recall of knowing who I am. I want to stop just making it through each day and having nothing to look forward to the next. When does my life begin? What do I need to be happy? I don't even know what makes me happy.